Micro Preemie – Clan Witch & Word Refinery

Five years ago, on 26th February 2018, my first book was published. As a lifelong habitual writer, this was never something I intended to do. I never considered publishing a book and never imagined putting something so private out into the public for anyone to consume. So, why, then?

Well, motherhood made me feel responsible for sharing my honest account with other folks who may need that. The isolation of having a baby in intensive care, whose survival was uncertain hour by hour, is palpable.

Sure, there were folks you could talk to, but many well-meaning would stick a knife into your belly to say ‘the right thing’. Sometimes there was nothing to be said. The best support came from those going through it themselves, who were right there in the thick of it—the most harrowing ‘rollercoaster’ where survival is not guaranteed—nothing is.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back is an intimate insight into such a journey—mine, with my child born when I was just 25 weeks into pregnancy.

This book needs a revisit from my side. I admit that it editorially falls significantly short. Much professional experience has been gained in the five years since publication. I came from the experience scathed, and the initial years following discharge from the unit were complex—PTSD didn’t hit immediately, but it did hit hard. I can’t go back there yet. One day I will. So for those who pick it up, be gentle—this was my first, and the experience eviscerated me.

Updated cover for ‘One Step Forward, Two Steps Back‘— May 2021.

March 2018, working on and releasing this book was my first time venturing into publishing independently. Being so intimate, I didn’t consider sending proposals to publishers. It could be said that this was my baby for my babies. I’ve always been a writer, but publishing was a way for me to show an example of fearlessness and gratitude to my girls, a lesson that they have taught me, with so many others.

On this, I did everything solo; writing, editing, working with feedback from my very supportive pre-readers, formatting for digital and print, cover design, promotional material and publishing. It’s effortless for those who don’t understand the labour and learning that goes into self-publishing (let alone doing so with something so profoundly personal) to dismiss those who choose that route, like myself, as amateur or playing a vanity game. That could not be further from the truth for many writers who choose to self-publish or join forces with small press’. I touched on this a little recently; https://clanwitch.com/2021/04/06/publishing-which-way/

It’s been three years now since ‘One Step Forward, Two Steps Back’ was released, and there are a few niggles that I often think about changing.

The first is editing. This was my first time editing something at this length, a piece that was (is) as intimate as a diary, journeying through a very traumatic time when it hadn’t even resigned itself to the ‘past’ yet. My heart and head were still sore. On top of that, I can admit that my skills have developed since this publication — I would love to go back and improve. For now, though, with so many other commitments, the past will have to wait, maybe one day. Truthfully, it’s a place I’m not ready to re-visit.

The second is that I’ve never been fully happy with the cover, which I have re-worked and updated. The image of the dandelion, particularly when seeding, has always been one in nature that I find poignant and inspiring. This image, this flower commonly regarded as a weed, represents so many ideas; resilience, strength, perseverance, endurance, determination, life cycles, and innocence. Pairing this with the rainbow’s significance in parenthood (symbolic of a child born after loss; the joy after the storm).As simple as it may be, I love the intertwining of the seeding dandelion head and rainbow. The fit with ‘One Step Forward, Two Steps Back‘ feels right.