Tag: insight

Lessons from my Addicts

I’ve had two relationships with addicts—alcoholics to be specific. Addiction is a characteristic ingrained in a personality that can cross its attention from where it derives its fix. Addicts can be addicted to anything from substance abuse to behavioural stimuli.

Addicts live by excuses. They rely on those to drain as much life as they can from a connection until it’s beyond done. Addicts lie. They lie to themselves, so it’s no surprise that they lie to you too—with so much conviction that you question yourself. You question the facts you know. You question your gut. You question the words they used. You question if the bottle was already empty. What you know and what they tell you never lines up. You question your sanity. You question your worth. And in that, you inadvertently facilitate the addiction and behaviours that come along with it.

Liars (like Narcissistic character types—I’m intimate with those too) will make you believe you are the problem. They will twist up a story so you’re the villain. And when you come out of being buried by a relationship like that (romantic or otherwise) and begin working through the debris alone, and recognise all the ways you were used, manipulated, and abused, there’s a clarity that comes with reconfiguring and regaining trust in yourself. That kind of healing (when embraced and worked) roots deep. When you start to trust yourself again without the games of wonky mirrors—the half-truths that were all lies. Boundaries form—both healthy and guarded.

These relationships had a significant impact on me. And why I put more stock (as we all should) into what people do over what they say (but I listen too—always). And when the confidence is shaken, even just a little, it makes my insides shudder. Lessons have been learned from those connections, and still I’ll sometimes let things slide, offering the benefit of doubt (maybe once), considering a background, trauma, other links but when I feel I’m betraying myself (again), when that realisation kicks in and the alarm starts roaring, I need to be done. I’ll betray myself so someone else feels safe—a trait I’m still working hard on breaking—and I cannot be doing that anymore, not for anyone.

Yes, My Kids are Vegan

I’m not particularly vocal about some things I care deeply about, especially not online. My personality has reactions built on trauma.
Speaking up has opened me up to attack (from childhood) so, I clam up tight, retreat inward — standard trauma response.
The everyday injustices towards our fellow earthlings is one such horror that I often wish I had the nerve to speak up about more.
I stopped consuming the flesh of murdered animals when I was 7 years old. I still feel guilty for the dead on my fork to that point, even if I was just a child raised to be ignorant to their suffering.
As a child, the hypocrisy was (is) taught through family, friends, society, schooling, and religion plagued me — how can one preach and teach of love and respect while dining over the mass slaughtered, butchered bodies of other living beings?
It made me soul-sick. I despise how much we, as a society, deceive our children. I was deceived.
Dairy was the last to be eliminated when I was 30 years old. Much of that was, again, ignorance. I am ashamed; the guilt of the suffering I paid for runs deep.
I paid for so many deaths, countless brutalities; I am responsible — the coward who didn’t hold the knife.
No single life is worth so many of theirs, especially when one does not depend on their deaths to live.
The brutal, bloody, unjust, inhumane, unnecessary deaths of children — of innocent fellow earthlings cannot be justified. Industries built on the systemic enslavement, rape and murder have much to answer for, and it seems never will because the atrocities are too widely accepted. With a blind eye and habits ingrained in children.
I can’t take back my part in it; none of us can. All I (we) can do is do better.
I’m raising vegan children. I’ve seen parents, such as myself, challenged by general ignorance on the matter. And I’ve had the quizzical looks when this fact has come to light. Why would I raise them any other way? Knowledge is power, right? So then, why wouldn’t I instil in them the truth from the onset? I know it makes society uncomfortable; we’re expected to fall in line, not disrupt the hypocritical peace, not be an inconvenience. That’s it right there; the truth of animal agriculture and the moral imperatives that the word ‘vegan’ rouses in consumers of animal products is that those truths are inconvenient. I don’t care for that. I care for justice and a moral compass that aligns with actions — isn’t that what we should be teaching children and ourselves?
Forget the (many) positives of a healthy, vegan lifestyle (because it’s not just a dietary choice) and consider the absurdity of the animal agriculture industry. If I was farming puppies in my garden to kill, skin, gut, and chop up and feed my children, I’d be deemed as evil, cruel, heartless, an unfit parent.… The accepted state of animal agriculture is far worse than that. Consider the proven decline in human health due to the consumption of products from that sector, not to mention the desperate climate crisis — to which this type of production and consumerism holds much of the responsibility. Every action, even when small, everyday ones — every action against this industry matters. And the choice to remain ignorant to it is unforgivable, surely.
Yes, my kids are vegan — it is not a choice.