I’ve had two relationships with addicts—alcoholics to be specific. Addiction is a characteristic ingrained in a personality that can cross its attention from where it derives its fix. Addicts can be addicted to anything from substance abuse to behavioural stimuli.
Addicts live by excuses. They rely on those to drain as much life as they can from a connection until it’s beyond done. Addicts lie. They lie to themselves, so it’s no surprise that they lie to you too—with so much conviction that you question yourself. You question the facts you know. You question your gut. You question the words they used. You question if the bottle was already empty. What you know and what they tell you never lines up. You question your sanity. You question your worth. And in that, you inadvertently facilitate the addiction and behaviours that come along with it.
Liars (like Narcissistic character types—I’m intimate with those too) will make you believe you are the problem. They will twist up a story so you’re the villain. And when you come out of being buried by a relationship like that (romantic or otherwise) and begin working through the debris alone, and recognise all the ways you were used, manipulated, and abused, there’s a clarity that comes with reconfiguring and regaining trust in yourself. That kind of healing (when embraced and worked) roots deep. When you start to trust yourself again without the games of wonky mirrors—the half-truths that were all lies. Boundaries form—both healthy and guarded.
These relationships had a significant impact on me. And why I put more stock (as we all should) into what people do over what they say (but I listen too—always). And when the confidence is shaken, even just a little, it makes my insides shudder. Lessons have been learned from those connections, and still I’ll sometimes let things slide, offering the benefit of doubt (maybe once), considering a background, trauma, other links but when I feel I’m betraying myself (again), when that realisation kicks in and the alarm starts roaring, I need to be done. I’ll betray myself so someone else feels safe—a trait I’m still working hard on breaking—and I cannot be doing that anymore, not for anyone.
Clan Witch & Word Refinery 