Laying the last body down on the bed, I studied them both, side by side. My beautiful loyal white pups. They looked as if they were peacefully sleeping. Dreaming still. You’d never know by this sight that I had snapped their necks. Still warm, the serenity of death. My wrist hurt. It was almost over now. There was nothing left to hold me back. I stepped up on to the vintage blue weaved wooden stool. Reaching above I put the prepared noose over my head to my neck and jump forward. Swinging and choking, why didn’t my neck just snap?
The obnoxious screeching tore through consciousness, wrenching from some distant dreamy place. One far more appealing than this. 6:00am screamed as heavy eyes flew startled open, red and dry. The Dead arm fought to shut that raging thing up. Fucking 6:00am!
Quiet now but that wasn’t to last, it never did. Soon I’d
hear the echoes of other bellowing alarms chasing other slaves from sleep. Got
to get the magic paper or the idea of it anyway. Pay service to the
authorities, whoever the hell they were and contribute! To what, I don’t really
It’s all lies…
Lies that we follow almost mindlessly if not completely. Following
until there’s nothing left.
I had only been sleeping two hours if I was lucky. Less in
fact, I recall 4:00am, as I always do, so definitely not the round two. Desperately
trying to empty my stupid head on to scrap pieces by my sunken bed. Open door
at four. Evacuating this mad racket noise so I could sleep. The paper was
completely drenched in scrawlings that made perfect sense at the time. Now appeared
as if they were written by some foreign ghost. It was me though, it’s always
just me. Even with the ghosts clambering and scratching at my exhausted soul,
they couldn’t tell what was what. Scrambling for desperate scraps, something to
cling to, or let go of. They weren’t the only ones. At least they were dead.
I never sleep enough, never was programmed for the job.
Maybe that’s what came of all that screaming in the night or was just some
missed connection before even then. It’s harder for this mind to shut up when
everything else does. So much echo within echo bouncing off metal over and over
When will the 6:00am screeching be done with me? Maybe one day Death will cast her final shadow before it starts. Stuck for an eternity in that dreamy place before the alarm excitedly bellows; a surprise whip lashing my back raw. That will surely be more than two round hours…
Or I’ll be stuck somewhere else, scratching at your soul…
I hate alarms.
(C) Natasha Sinclair, all rights reserved